Navigating Estate Planning: 7 Emotional Considerations for Military Families

Updating a will is something most people know they should do, but often put off. For military families, the stakes are especially high. Deployments, PCS moves, and the unique relationships forged through military life all add layers of complexity to estate planning that civilian families may never encounter.

While much of the focus around wills tends to be on the legal and technical details, there are emotional aspects of estate planning that are just as important to consider. Here are seven emotional considerations that military families often overlook when updating their will.

1. Having Your Kids Go to Family Isn’t Always the Best Option

Military families often forge friendships that transcend traditional family relationships. When considering guardianship for your children, it’s worth asking some difficult questions. Will aging parents be able to practically care for a toddler or newborn? Would uprooting a teenager from their friends, teachers, and routine do more harm than good? Is there a close family friend who might be better suited to provide stability and continuity for your children than a biological relative?

These are not easy questions, but they are important ones. Your will can include specific stipulations, such as allowing children to remain in their current residence until they graduate high school, that reflect what is truly best for them rather than what is most traditional.

2. Take Time to Ensure Sentimental Items Go to the Right Place

Military families often acquire meaningful items throughout their travels and service, like handcrafted pieces from overseas assignments, gifts from fellow service members, and mementos from significant deployments. These items carry stories and memories that may not be obvious to others.

Don’t overlook the allocation of specific sentimental items in your will. Think carefully about which child or family member would most appreciate and understand the significance of each item, and be as specific as possible in your instructions.

3. Consider Whether Your Beneficiary Will Value the Item the Same Way You Do

Something that holds deep meaning for you may become clutter for someone else. Before designating a sentimental item to a specific person, consider whether they will truly value it, care for it responsibly, and understand its significance. For items passed down through generations, will the recipient know the story behind them, and does that matter to you?

These are questions worth sitting with before finalizing your will.

4. A Will Can Heal Wounds or Make Them Deeper

The decisions you make in your will send a clear message about your intentions and priorities. Feelings can get hurt – whether someone receives less than they expected, is passed over entirely, or feels that your choices reflect how you feel about them. Being thoughtful and intentional about your decisions, and considering how they may be interpreted, can help minimize conflict among the people you leave behind.

5. Be Careful About Writing or Updating Your Will During an Emotional Time

Deployments, divorce, family conflict, and other major life events can all prompt the desire to update a will, but they can also cloud judgment. A decision made in anger or grief that gets recorded in a legal document may have unintended consequences. If you are going through a particularly emotional or stressful period, consider waiting until things have settled before making significant changes to your will.

6. Are You Emotionally Prepared for the Finality of a Last Will and Testament?

Some people find the process of writing or updating a will to be emotionally difficult, confronting morality is never easy. But a will needs to be prepared regardless of age or circumstance. Approaching it as an act of care for the people you love, rather than a reminder of death, can make the process more manageable. It is one of the most important things you can do for your family.

7. Updating Your Will During Major Life Changes Is More Difficult Than You Think

Deployments, military transitions, and PCS moves are all stressful periods that often prompt the need to update a will, and they are also some of the worst times to be making major decisions. Even though will updates are part of many deployment checklists, it is worth asking whether you are in the right headspace to make clear, deliberate choices. If possible, address your will during a period of relative calm rather than in the middle of a major transition.

Take Action on Your Estate Plan Today

A will is much more than a legal document. It is the message you send to the people you love after you can no longer send it yourself. Taking the time to think through not just the legal details but the emotional dimensions of your estate plan will help ensure that your wishes are carried out in a way that reflects your true intentions, and that the people you leave behind are cared for in the way you would want. For a more in-depth walkthrough, see our guide on how to plan your estate.

If you haven’t updated your will recently, or haven’t written one at all, now is the time. Learn more about why estate planning matters to military members and the steps you can take to get started.

Meet the Author

Forrest Baumhover is a Certified Financial Planner™ and enrolled agent. As a retired naval officer, Forrest helps veterans, transitioning service members and their families address the financial...

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